Questions? Concerns? Advertisers? Email JewSqueeze{at}gmail.com

Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

Copyright 2009-2011 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

OH HAI GUYZ! SO I WAS IN NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND (IT WAS SUPER COOL I WENT EVERYWHERE). THE JANE OPEN3D BACK UP AND JOHNLENNON AND GEORGE HARRISON THE DOORMEN LET ME MOVE RIGHT PAST EVERYONE AND THE PAPPPARAZZI (SP?-lolz for daze who caresz) WERE LIKE HEY YOU’RE WITH WHITNEY PORT! DUH! WHITNEY IN THE CITTTAAAAAYYYY! THINGS GET SO WET AND WILD WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER. NOTHING KAN KEEP US APART. WE’RE LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY OR TERRORISTS AND MUSLIMS or PEREZ HILTON AND THE INTERWEB. LEMME TELL YA WHAT WE DID THIS W33KEND (it was VAMPIRE).  WENT TO THE JANE (duh X 20), w3nt to BALTHAZAAR AND CIPRIANNIS (SP? oy, wish I hadn’t dropped out of Tisch to pursue my Act1ng CARRER IN EL AY~) before SPENDING THE NIGHT AT TENJUNE WOOO! BOTTLE SERVICE 4 DAYZE WHEN YOU ARE WHITNEY PORTY!!!!! ITS A PORTY PARTY AND YOU’RE ALL INVIT3D!~

OH HAI GUYZ! SO I WAS IN NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND (IT WAS SUPER COOL I WENT EVERYWHERE).

THE JANE OPEN3D BACK UP AND JOHNLENNON AND GEORGE HARRISON THE DOORMEN LET ME MOVE RIGHT PAST EVERYONE AND THE PAPPPARAZZI (SP?-lolz for daze who caresz) WERE LIKE HEY YOU’RE WITH WHITNEY PORT!

DUH! WHITNEY IN THE CITTTAAAAAYYYY! THINGS GET SO WET AND WILD WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER. NOTHING KAN KEEP US APART. WE’RE LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY OR TERRORISTS AND MUSLIMS or PEREZ HILTON AND THE INTERWEB.

LEMME TELL YA WHAT WE DID THIS W33KEND (it was VAMPIRE).  WENT TO THE JANE (duh X 20), w3nt to BALTHAZAAR AND CIPRIANNIS (SP? oy, wish I hadn’t dropped out of Tisch to pursue my Act1ng CARRER IN EL AY~) before SPENDING THE NIGHT AT TENJUNE WOOO! BOTTLE SERVICE 4 DAYZE WHEN YOU ARE WHITNEY PORTY!!!!!

ITS A PORTY PARTY AND YOU’RE ALL INVIT3D!~


November 19
the hills the city whitney port
Where do I enlist/sign-up/enter the competition?  I NEED TO WIN. She’s not in the movie! So very confused. This is like saying “Win a date with Zachary Quinto” as part of our promotional campaign for WHEN IN ROME. Here are Whit’s favorite spots: Sbarro in Times Square FAO Schwartz Stuffed Animal Section MTV Headquarters Chop’d Bugalow Butter 88 Jane Clementine Beatrice Inn LaGuardia Airport, JFK, or any other paparazzi infested public place

Where do I enlist/sign-up/enter the competition?  I NEED TO WIN.

She’s not in the movie! So very confused. This is like saying “Win a date with Zachary Quinto” as part of our promotional campaign for WHEN IN ROME.

Here are Whit’s favorite spots:

Sbarro in Times Square

FAO Schwartz Stuffed Animal Section

MTV Headquarters

Chop’d

Bugalow Butter 88 Jane Clementine Beatrice Inn

LaGuardia Airport, JFK, or any other paparazzi infested public place


February 1
whitney port
Steier is so much flyer.

Steier is so much flyer.


March 3
whitney port

Click Me To See Whitney Port's Boobs: aka The Titty Season 3

Because I’m an asshole, and if Whitney gets to cash checks for “acting” then I get to cash page-views for “writing.” 

Also, love pissing off all the girls that kiss her ass.

Whitney's boobs


January 23
whitney port