suicideblonde:

Lindsay Lohan shopping at Dior in NYC today

Do these shoes accentuate my coke problem?

Lindsay Lohan - put a fork in this cunt.  She is DONE.

Let me explain in professional hollywood terms why she will never act again (unless by some stroke of God’s hand she is the female Bob Downey Jr. ten years down the road).

Before an actress can officially land a role, she has to be bondable/insurable, meaning, she has to be stable, not a drug addict cunt muscle who does nothing but hoover devil’s dandruff up her nose. Due to her hissy-fits on GEORGIA RULE, where the head of the studio wrote a letter saying “shape the fuck up”, people in Hollywood are pretty keen on what this bitch’s priorities are: eat Sam’s twat, pretend to DJ, get drunk, remember to Twitter whilst drunk, maybe do some designs for Ungaro, fuck some loser with a yacht, MAYBE think about acting — although it’s straight to DVD from here on out.

SHE IS UN-BONDABLE, meaning a bank will not loan a production co/indy studio the money to make a film if she is starring.  They cannot BOND the film. It’s like trying to insure Edward Furlong for a Terminator film — ain’t happening, bro. Furthermore, no studio wants this haggard bitch in their movies because they have brands (Disney, Universal, what’s left of MGM) to uphold.

If Lohan schtups Roberto Cavalli I’m quitting entertainment and becoming a Garmento.

She’s got a red bush and he’s got wrinkly balls. {Ebony…and Ivory….go together in perfect Harmony…}

Wow - after doing this photo shoot with Tyler Shields, Lindsay was quoted as saying “it’s not soft core porn…it’s art.” As if WE don’t understand. Now, as someone who is appreciative of the arts and into all things cultural (like poontang from Brazil) let me have a few words.

Lindsay, you wouldn’t know a Lichtenstein if it took a dump on your head. Seriously. What the fuck do you know about art? The closest you’ve ever come is Mean Girls, and that’s thanks to Tina Fey. She es un artiste (for the written word of the script). No, you know what…the closest you’ve come to art is making your signature shake at Millions of Milkshakes (a dollop of coke, M&Ms, half a Xanax, Vanilla extract, and delusional realities).

Linds — have you ever seen a David Hockney up close? Can you spot a Rothko from across the room? Can you point out what influences Basquiat drew from Warhol? Can you even fucking tell me who cut off his left ear ? - (duh it was Jackson Pollock).

It’s like that line in the original “Fast And The Furious” : You don’t just step in the ring with Ali because you think you box.”

Did I mention Vin Diesel is the greatest thing to happen to car movies since Steve McQueen?

suicideblonde:

Lindsay Lohan photographed by Tyler Shields

Umm….not to be a shithead…but aren’t all three of you (2 of whom I know personally) supposed to be in recovery? 

Not quite sure which of the 12 steps this is…

Girl, you are more fucked than Sasha Grey. Hope you atoned for your sins this Yom Kippur; lord knows, you’re gonna need all the help you can get. 

bohemea:

Lindsay Lohan by Ellen Von Unwerth, 2006

Seriously, I’d rather finger myself than you.

DIS

GUS

TING

(Source: coketalk)

@lindsaylohan - you stupid, trashy loser:

Nobody believes you wasn’t drinking on Saturday night. I used to like you. I used to think you were great. Now, you’re just a piece of shit who lies, cheats, and swindles her way out of the justice system. And that’s fine, but your about as bondable/bankable/credible in the film industry as Edward Furlong. 

PS — I got friends that were DRINKING with you on Saturday night, so stop tweeting how everyone is lying! You’re so full of shit you might as well be a toilet. “She was definitely drinking, but she wasn’t shitfaced,” said one of my personal friends whom I trust with my mother — naked.  

Well, glad we cleared that up. In other news: Gretchen Weiner’s future is looking brighter than Lilo’s by the minute!

(via suicideblonde)