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About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess/sport-fucking buddy. His father, a St. Louis cowboy at heart, reined him in as a child, only having to wash out his mouth with soap once during his early years.
Single, forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man finds himself thoroughly concerned with finding a wife, but more importantly, a bitch to lay with in the meantime.
Oh, and he wants me to tell you he he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City back in '01.
Copyright 2009-2010 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze
What’s up, ya cunts?
I saw one of my Ex-Schtups this weekend…
And by golly, was homegirl wearing WAY TOO MUCH fake tan. She looked like Kramer on Seinfeld when he burnt himself in the tanning-bed.
She looked how Frida Pinto from SLUMDOG would look if I hung out with her while on Peyote.
She looked like the human incarnation of orange juice - Tropicana
She looked like Mars
She looked like a giant talking Powerpoint logo
I thought Burnt Sienna was just a color
Damn bitch, up your game.
Don’t think we ever would’ve schtupped if I knew you during your Beaker from Sesame Street phase.
There ain’t nothing mystic about your tan, bitch.
Br34king the 4th Wall.
Bitchez Love Me.
I have GOT to get me one of these!
Black babies are so hip right now.
They’re the hottest new accessory.
Like a scrunchie.
But BROWWWWWWWWWN.
“I’m a second semester senior.”
“I deserve to be ****** ****”
(REDACTED to protect the GUILTY)
A few words about el colegio.
Dad -
Thanks for paying $250k (for me and my bro) so I could properly learn to go down on girls, ice luge vodka shots, fully understand the BoBo doll psych experiment, snort coke off of a girl’s tummy, blow coke up another one’s ass, and well, come out with a degree in Communications.
I’ll pay another $50k if I can go back for one week to plow every single one of these girls. PLEASE, GOD! They need a solid rogering. I know the kids at whatever shitty UC school this is ain’t gettin’ propah fucked!
Those are som3 SERIOUS cansaba melons! Dang, ho!
And they’re real! I’ve touched them.
Not in the “I wanna fuck your face” way, but I touched ‘em.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiit this bitch had it comin’.
