This really is the best hat in the history of hats. It makes me grateful for winter and Hova. And whatever poor unfortunate creature had to die so Jay-Z could wear that hat.
Yep.
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About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess/sport-fucking buddy. His father, a St. Louis cowboy at heart, reined him in as a child, only having to wash out his mouth with soap once during his early years.
Single, forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man finds himself thoroughly concerned with finding a wife, but more importantly, a bitch to lay with in the meantime.
Oh, and he wants me to tell you he he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City back in '01.
Copyright 2009-2010 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze
The 2010 Grammy’s: A recap of my favorite Twitters/thoughts/pictures…
Ladies, gentleman, fans of music and people not so fond of Lady GaGa, I have one question to ask of you: WHAT. THE FUCK. WAS THAT? I know that the record industry prides themselves on being cool and up to the minute, but holy fucking cow. The last time Elton John did something this bizarre was when he shared the same stage with a 5th of Vodka toting whiteboy who had a penchant for screaming the word FAGGOT over Dre beats…but now…he’s uhh… feigning 3rd degree burns on a double-sided Steinway? WHAT. THE FUCK. WAS THAT?
Pink - Cirque Du Soleil is for midgets, contortionists, and Asians. Since when is your wet t-shirt contest trapeze act considered high-art? You’re the girl famous for singing “I’m coming out so let’s get this party started.” I’ve never been to a party with anyone dressed like you swinging on a trapeze like you. Bitch this is the Grammy Awards…not Club Med. WHAT THE FUCK. WAS THAT?
Taylor Swift - BITCH YOUR FACE IS NOT SYMMETRICAL. At all. I’m not one to talk about having eyes like an Asian, but you resemble a Frog if it fucked Yao Ming. You can’t really sing in key either. Furthermore, “Oh ma gah…my parents are like freakin’ out right about naow…I’m so down-home country I don’t even know what to say…in my $12,000 evening gown. Oh Mah Gah.” Your relaysh with T. Lautner was completely for show. He’s a cocksucker, I guarantee it. Watch the scene in NEW MOON when he greets Kristen Stewart for the first time, “HEYY LOCA” or watch the trailer for VALENTINE’S DAY when he tries to kiss T. Swift. If that isn’t proof enough, I’m not a Jew.
Wyclef Jean - Yeah, we get it. Your Haitian. Too bad you missed the quake. You haven’t done anything worthwhile since THE CARNIVAL. Stop exploiting an international tragedy to promote yourself.
Beyonce - Bitch, you are the most hood rich woman on the planet. Door knocker earrings? Check. Big, black boobies. Check Check. “Mah Husbaaand…My Jigga Maayyyne.” Furthermore, WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS KID COME FROM, JIGGA? Who did you knock up to create him? Bey? Kelis? Who?
Finally, I don’t care what anyone says, Eminem can still rap circles around everyone in the game. Lil Wayne, you need to stop dressing like the car-wash attendants at Tarzana Mobil. I’ll put your ass to work. Grab a towel and that 409. EVERYONE IS RETARDED in the music industry. Kings of Leon, I like you guys, but seriously, you look like J. Crew Rock. So manufactured it’s a joke.
WHO THE FUCK IS ZACH BROWN AND FURTHERMORE WHO IS THE ZACH BROWN BAND?
Ugh….when are the Oscahz?
Jigga: Honeybee, let’s dip. They’re out of Pretzel Goldfish.
Beyonce: Forreal. This place is dead anyway. Whatchu think JiggaMayne?
Beyonce: Ionno, was thinkin’ you’d take me to Pinkberry and we could watch THE REAL L WORD on Showtime.
Jigga: I hate THE REAL WORLD.
Beyonce: No! Jay! The REAL L WORD, It’s about lesbians with kids and one of them looks like the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls and it’s really great.
Jigga: Bee! Why don’t you do yo’ thang. I’m gonna hit the studio with Pharrell and Drizzy. They wanna play some Dreidel Dreidel mash-up Drake’s working on for the holidays.
Beyonce: I’ll make it worth your while.
Jigga: Is that so?
Beyonce: Can I A Get A?
Jigga: Don’t you think for one second I forgot about Destiny’s Children. Remember “Bug-A-Boo?” Never 4get.
