Questions? Concerns? Advertisers? Email JewSqueeze{at}gmail.com Submit pics/links/vids/photos via blackberryjewsqueeze(at)tumblr[dot]com Ask me shit!href> href> About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess/sport-fucking buddy. His father, a St. Louis cowboy at heart, reined him in as a child, only having to wash out his mouth with soap once during his early years. Single, forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man finds himself thoroughly concerned with finding a wife, but more importantly, a bitch to lay with in the meantime. Oh, and he wants me to tell you he he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City back in ‘01. Copyright 2009-2010 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze new TWTR.Widget({ version: 2, type: 'profile', rpp: 12, interval: 6000, width: 200, height: 300, theme: { shell: { background: '#333333', color: '#ff00ff' }, tweets: { background: '#000000', color: '#ffffff', links: '#f700d2' } }, features: { scrollbar: false, loop: false, live: true, hashtags: true, timestamp: true, avatars: false, behavior: 'all' } }).render().setUser('JewSqueeze').start(); Tumblr (3.0; @blackberryjewsqueeze)http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8g0yiSkSv1qzimo1o1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><span><em>“He always wanted me to smoke weed with him, and I never did it, and I wish I did,”</em> Tyson said. What’s weirder: that Tyson didn’t have bigger regrets, or that he shares this one with most of us? [<a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3if8cf70233aa65f1b14626ecaabd4c652" target="_blank">AP</a>]</span></p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087669107http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087669107Wed, 08 Sep 2010 12:32:42 -0700tyson<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8g0aaxAh31qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Who is your best friend from Kindergarten?</p> <p>This is mine.</p> <p>His name’s Jon.</p> <p>In Kindergarten we had book day, where we dressed as our favorite book character. I dressed as Winnie The Pooh. Jon dressed as the mouse from If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. I will try to find a pic of that, but in the meantime, here’s Jon on a European adventure. </p> <p>LOVE HEEEEM!!!!!</p> <p>He also rolls better spliffs than Chong, just an FYI</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087642474http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087642474Wed, 08 Sep 2010 12:18:10 -0700friends<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8dly6UHf61qzoaqio1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Naked Kate? Auto-reblog</p> <p><a href="http://bohemea.tumblr.com/post/1082162960" target="_blank">bohemea</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Kate Moss - Calvin Klein ad by Mario Sorrenti</p> </blockquote>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087332670http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1087332670Wed, 08 Sep 2010 10:51:18 -0700kate moss<p>When I was eighteen years old, I met a girl at a party. It was a few weeks before high school graduation. I was about to say goodbye to L.A., my girlfriend, and everyone and everything I knew for Boston.</p> <p>I remember being enamored by her hair at first sight, brown silky locks that sashayed back and forth over her shoulders. She wore a blue thermal top, jeans, and flip flops. Simple, yet so fuego. Her name was one-half of a famous rock and roll band from the 1970’s. Do the math. </p> <p>Even though I had a girlfriend, butterflies flew up my tummy, up my throat through bile, and out of my mouth, forcing me to spill my guts.</p> <p>“I’m Matt,” I said.</p> <p>“I’m ******,” she said. </p> <p>The next thing I knew, I was riding shotgun in a car packed full of her friends; I asked her to drive me to a bowling alley (so I could meet my girlfriend). Without even wincing she invited me in her car. I could’ve been a serial killer for all she knew. I asked her for her digits when I exited the car. I would later learn she had a boyfriend, too.</p> <p>Some weeks later, when I broke-up with my then girlfriend, separated due to different collegiate paths, the first call I made was my friend, Andrew. The second call was to ******. I wanted to forget the bad and get on with the good. Or rather, get it on with the good. I called her while she was at the beach, and ended up leaving a voice mail. </p> <p>She called me back some hours later and I asked her out. I’ll never forget what she said, “nothing. No plans. You wanna make me busy?” </p> <p>GAME CHANGER! </p> <p>I won’t bore you with the details, but we’ve remained close friends since that first night together, at a boojie-ass valley house party, much like the one depicted in CLUELESS.</p> <p>This past weekend, I had the pleasure of having her back on LA soil, and took her out on what turned out to be a fabulous mini-date. No dinner. Just booze. My favorite. She’s all grown up, gorgeous, mature, and has a great head on her shoulders. Not to mention, she has a slamming body. Not only does she work in art, she teaches yoga on the side. Can you say limber? Also, sidenote: her outfit, belt buckle specifically, rocked my world. </p> <p>I guess what I’m trying to say is how impressed I was with her. It’s bizarre that we’re all growing up, but when one of us grows up into someone beautiful, someone whose parents are probably proud to take credit for, it touches you (or me, rather). We’ve been friends, flirts, and confidants for eight years now. Most of us have grown up to become vapid, classless assholes with too much money and not enough heart. </p> <p>Luckily, for the man who snags her for wifedom, she’s got both. </p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1084425213http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1084425213Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:52:00 -0700girls<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8enqgbUeJ1qbr52zo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Hey NEW YORK!</p> <p>You hear that?</p> <p>It’s the sound of everyone telling you how dumb you are because you think Shake Shack is even worthy of mention. Meanwhile, we got kids eating Animal Sty burgizzzesss making fun of you, your silly doormen, your over-important sense of self-worth and your overpriced cigarettes.</p> <p>In the words of CEE LO: Fuck you. </p> <p>you don’t got this!</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1084273347http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1084273347Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:20:48 -0700in n out<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88p23jnSU1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Thursday</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065738389http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065738389Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:32:27 -0700los angeles<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88p11YQ0b1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Pre-Roll Roll to Roll to Roosevelt</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065735775http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065735775Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:31:49 -0700w33d<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88oz8Apg81qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>@strangelove_LA @ Tropicana</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065731059http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065731059Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:30:43 -0700homies<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88oxjx8711qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Leather Lace Watersports</p> <p>@roosevelt</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065726483http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065726483Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:29:43 -0700homies<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88ovhYn561qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Soph Taub n Nat @ Night Swim</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065721372http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065721372Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:28:29 -0700babes<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88ot0bpzP1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>The NightWolf</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065714967http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065714967Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:26:59 -0700homies<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88oqwPESf1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>@steveprinz @jewsqueeze @ Night Swim</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065709743http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065709743Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:25:44 -0700homies<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88op6louf1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Nat @ Night Swim</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065705284http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065705284Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:24:38 -0700babes<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88onkAA6p1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Amy @ Night Swim</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065701014http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065701014Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:23:43 -0700babes<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88ok18FUx1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Night Swim @ Tropicana</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065691736http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1065691736Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:21:36 -0700babes<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l82nrtgb9g1qzc9d2o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Swing. Sing. Sing. Sing.</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1062029984http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1062029984Fri, 03 Sep 2010 21:01:19 -0700babes<p>My trip to the psychopharamacologist.</p> <p>Gonna score some zoloft.</p> <p>Talk some shit.</p> <p>Thanks, doc!t</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1059171199http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1059171199Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:51:41 -0700<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l84vaveQEo1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Umm….not to be a shithead…but aren’t all three of you (2 of whom I know personally) supposed to be in recovery? </p> <p>Not quite sure which of the 12 steps this is…</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1054404861http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1054404861Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:56:55 -0700lohan<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l84n7msSry1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I love this little gay boy. He’s my favorite part of Glee. </p> <p><a href="http://thedailywh.at/post/1053782334/promo-photo-of-the-day-chris-colfer-aka-glees" target="_blank">thedailywhat</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><strong>Promo Photo of the Day:</strong> Chris Colfer, AKA <em>Glee</em>’s Kurt Hummel, photographed by Robert Trachtenberg for Rolling Stone’s “<a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/photos/17382/196571/3" target="_blank">Best Characters and Most Memorable Scene-Stealers</a>” photo series.</p> <p>[<a href="http://joemygod.blogspot.com" target="_blank">jmg</a>.]</p> </blockquote>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1053826071http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1053826071Thu, 02 Sep 2010 09:15:07 -0700glee<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l82yxm10wj1qzimo1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>You hear that sound? </p> <p>It’s the sound of my net worth increasing. </p> <p>One share at a time.</p>http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1048889840http://www.blackberryjewsqueeze.com/post/1048889840Wed, 01 Sep 2010 11:20:10 -0700apple