INCEPTION - a Review within a Review within a... -

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INCEPTION - a Review within a Review within a Review.  Saw this mindfuck of a movie last night. I really enjoyed it, although I felt it was like The Matrix meets Vanilla Sky meets ID-4. So many weird thoughts, but it will be best if I talk this out in bullet-point form: 1. So you guys really like French music. Got it. Loud and clear. Why didn’t you use “Bulletproof” by La Roux to signal the Kick? Furthermore, was that a Zune? No sign of an iPod anywhere, yet you have toys that let you create dreams….something even Apple couldn’t come up with. Interesting. 2. Why the hell is everyone dressed like a Barney’s winter collection catalogue? Seriously, the wardrobe in this film was more expensive than the entire budget of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Joseph GL and Leo made Clooney and Pitt from Ocean’s 11 look like peasants storming the Bastille. 3. Ellen Paige? Seriously. That’s the best you could come up with. I get that she looks like a placenta soaked fetus that hit puberty too early, but come on. You could’ve gotten so many other actresses for this role. How about Emma Stone? How about Ashley Greene? Could’ve gone with some more inspired casting. It’s like Nolan, bro, you have such epic ass movies…then you cast them with the most boring females ever (Maggie Gyn, Katie Holmes in the BATMAN franchise) and now Juno in INCEPTION? Give a babe a break. 4. Tom Hardy is now my unborn child’s Godfather. That guy is on my team next time I go cock-fighting, or knife-fighting.  5. Leo, cool totem. But Joseph — a dice? Are you in Friday or Inception? Furthermore, Ellen Paige, a fucking PAWN. I get that you’re like the pawn in all of this, but you might as well have used the thimble from MONOPOLY. Your shit is about as original as a P. Diddy remix. 6. Cillian Murphy — can you look any more like a reptile? Seriously, bro, you’re scaring the Latino movie-goers. You know they hate lizards.  7. Marion Cotillard - you are perfect. Except that your tears were a little too big for your eyes. Were those Clear Eyes or Visine? Want to know so that next time I’m pulled-over for squiefing en route to a job interview I can feign crying.  8. That guy that was supposed to be Cillian Murphy’s Dad’s biz partner — he looked like the fat chairman of THE SKULLS had he been crop-dusted with Mystic Tan. Final note: Mr. Nolan, in all seriousness, thank you. This movie was a giant breath of fresh I donno what after seeing only 3D garbage, blockbuster bullshit, and the usual summer fare. I look forward to anything you put your name on, especially if she’s Batman related. Sweet dreams, you Kings of England. You Princes of Maine. 

INCEPTION - a Review within a Review within a Review. 

Saw this mindfuck of a movie last night. I really enjoyed it, although I felt it was like The Matrix meets Vanilla Sky meets ID-4. So many weird thoughts, but it will be best if I talk this out in bullet-point form:

1. So you guys really like French music. Got it. Loud and clear. Why didn’t you use “Bulletproof” by La Roux to signal the Kick? Furthermore, was that a Zune? No sign of an iPod anywhere, yet you have toys that let you create dreams….something even Apple couldn’t come up with. Interesting.

2. Why the hell is everyone dressed like a Barney’s winter collection catalogue? Seriously, the wardrobe in this film was more expensive than the entire budget of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Joseph GL and Leo made Clooney and Pitt from Ocean’s 11 look like peasants storming the Bastille.

3. Ellen Paige? Seriously. That’s the best you could come up with. I get that she looks like a placenta soaked fetus that hit puberty too early, but come on. You could’ve gotten so many other actresses for this role. How about Emma Stone? How about Ashley Greene? Could’ve gone with some more inspired casting. It’s like Nolan, bro, you have such epic ass movies…then you cast them with the most boring females ever (Maggie Gyn, Katie Holmes in the BATMAN franchise) and now Juno in INCEPTION? Give a babe a break.

4. Tom Hardy is now my unborn child’s Godfather. That guy is on my team next time I go cock-fighting, or knife-fighting. 

5. Leo, cool totem. But Joseph — a dice? Are you in Friday or Inception? Furthermore, Ellen Paige, a fucking PAWN. I get that you’re like the pawn in all of this, but you might as well have used the thimble from MONOPOLY. Your shit is about as original as a P. Diddy remix.

6. Cillian Murphy — can you look any more like a reptile? Seriously, bro, you’re scaring the Latino movie-goers. You know they hate lizards. 

7. Marion Cotillard - you are perfect. Except that your tears were a little too big for your eyes. Were those Clear Eyes or Visine? Want to know so that next time I’m pulled-over for squiefing en route to a job interview I can feign crying. 

8. That guy that was supposed to be Cillian Murphy’s Dad’s biz partner — he looked like the fat chairman of THE SKULLS had he been crop-dusted with Mystic Tan.

Final note: Mr. Nolan, in all seriousness, thank you. This movie was a giant breath of fresh I donno what after seeing only 3D garbage, blockbuster bullshit, and the usual summer fare. I look forward to anything you put your name on, especially if she’s Batman related.

Sweet dreams, you Kings of England. You Princes of Maine. 


July 28
inception
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