Dear Blackberry Diary: Drizzy back up in this,... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

Copyright 2009-2011 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

Dear Blackberry Diary: Drizzy back up in this, bitch, what’s hattenin’? Man, today was wild. First off, I met Young Jeezy for an omelet. He ordered the Denver. I was all, “Jeezy, how you gone get an omelet without puttin turk up in that bitch?” Jeezy was like “Whateva mayne,” mockin’ my verses n shit. Jokes on he dough, cuz he done spilled ketchup all over his bling, and even got some on his Lugz. After breakfast I hit up some of my Degrassi homies, and we wuz wylin’ out like we used to, you know, getting all different kinds of McFlurrys and then NOT paying at the Drive-Thru. Man.  Around noon or so I hit-up Swizz Beats. Told that n**** to make me some beats that twinkle like a menorah, nigga. Hannukah is just round da bend and Young Money need to keep makin Young Money. Sprite ain’t gone buy me a yacht like Jay-Z has. So. He played me some beats. They wuz ok. Whatever, Mayne. It was fun to be back in the studio. I made a hot track. Ya’all can thank me later. I got hungry around 3PM so I asked Nicki Minaj if she was hungry. Girl eats and looks like a monster truck with an ass, so I took that bitch to her favorite restaurant: Denny’s. Bitch had a grand slam. Forreal. She nearly ate the mo-fuckin’ plate, ya dig! We went shoe shoppin aftah. Got me some Spizikes. She got some really ugly ass shitz for her even uglier ass feetz. She took one look at the price tag and said, “I mean, I mean, really, who even looks at the price tag?” She’s funny. I told Turtle from Entourage I’d meet him for drinks so we done hit Chateau Vermont. All deez celebs were derre like Mark Whalberg, that Ari Piven guy. Come to think of it, it mighta been an Entourage wrap party or sumthin. That was me feelin it. That felt good. We drank Moet. Den we ran out a Moet so we drank Blueberry Gatorade. With Ciroc. I partied all night. Shit was hectic. I met some girlz. No fireworks, dough. I’m still into my wedding planner girlfriend. I gotta few bbms from Kendra. She wants on my machiatto wang, but I ain’t gone give it to her. That was me clearing it. Donno how she got on mah bbm. *REMINDER* fire your assistant. Oh. wait. He has your laptops. Don’t fire assistant just yet.  Anyway, Diary, it’s been a long ass day for a grown ass man. Shout out to the fact that I’m the youngest N**** doin’ it. Uh uh. Uh oh. Drizzzy. Twinkle Twinkle, n*****.

Dear Blackberry Diary:

Drizzy back up in this, bitch, what’s hattenin’? Man, today was wild. First off, I met Young Jeezy for an omelet. He ordered the Denver. I was all, “Jeezy, how you gone get an omelet without puttin turk up in that bitch?” Jeezy was like “Whateva mayne,” mockin’ my verses n shit. Jokes on he dough, cuz he done spilled ketchup all over his bling, and even got some on his Lugz. After breakfast I hit up some of my Degrassi homies, and we wuz wylin’ out like we used to, you know, getting all different kinds of McFlurrys and then NOT paying at the Drive-Thru. Man. 

Around noon or so I hit-up Swizz Beats. Told that n**** to make me some beats that twinkle like a menorah, nigga. Hannukah is just round da bend and Young Money need to keep makin Young Money. Sprite ain’t gone buy me a yacht like Jay-Z has. So. He played me some beats. They wuz ok. Whatever, Mayne. It was fun to be back in the studio. I made a hot track. Ya’all can thank me later.

I got hungry around 3PM so I asked Nicki Minaj if she was hungry. Girl eats and looks like a monster truck with an ass, so I took that bitch to her favorite restaurant: Denny’s. Bitch had a grand slam. Forreal. She nearly ate the mo-fuckin’ plate, ya dig! We went shoe shoppin aftah. Got me some Spizikes. She got some really ugly ass shitz for her even uglier ass feetz. She took one look at the price tag and said, “I mean, I mean, really, who even looks at the price tag?” She’s funny.

I told Turtle from Entourage I’d meet him for drinks so we done hit Chateau Vermont. All deez celebs were derre like Mark Whalberg, that Ari Piven guy. Come to think of it, it mighta been an Entourage wrap party or sumthin. That was me feelin it. That felt good. We drank Moet. Den we ran out a Moet so we drank Blueberry Gatorade. With Ciroc. I partied all night. Shit was hectic. I met some girlz. No fireworks, dough. I’m still into my wedding planner girlfriend. I gotta few bbms from Kendra. She wants on my machiatto wang, but I ain’t gone give it to her. That was me clearing it. Donno how she got on mah bbm. *REMINDER* fire your assistant. Oh. wait. He has your laptops. Don’t fire assistant just yet. 

Anyway, Diary, it’s been a long ass day for a grown ass man. Shout out to the fact that I’m the youngest N**** doin’ it. Uh uh. Uh oh. Drizzzy. Twinkle Twinkle, n*****.


July 27
diary of drake
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