NOW AND THEN: * GAME CHANGER *  My mother took my... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

Copyright 2009-2011 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

NOW AND THEN: * GAME CHANGER *  My mother took my brother, Jonno, my two besties, Jon and Preston, and I to see NOW AND THEN at the Mann Theaters so many moons ago. The year was 1995. Love was in the air. As luck would have it, we ended up sitting behind a group of girls from our fifth grade class — Laura Pearson, Taylor Wolf, Sara S., and Julia something-or-other. It was around the time girls were wearing stuffed-animal bears as backpacks; it was a simpler time. Nobody had a Facepage; Twitter meant nothing; and Cadillacs cost ten cents. Every boy needs to see this movie during his formative years. It’s a game changer. Even at the tender age of 11 and 12, I saw what made women tick while watching NOW AND THEN. I saw what drove them nuts. I saw how to win their hearts and minds. I also saw Devon Sawa’s ass. WIN! There are experiences you can only have when you are an impressionable tweenager. You know, the movie takes place in the late 1960’s, and well, the story arcs and themes still hold up in 2010: loyalty, friendship, maturity, puberty, etc. It’s all relevant. Sometimes there’s nothing better than sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with your friends, even if they do all have pre-pubescent snatches. EWWWW!!!!! Yep, I said it. You thought it, I said it and now you read it.  The simple thought of watching this movie brings a giant, gay smile to my face - ear to ear. I always wanted to schtup the girl played by Demi Moore (in the NOW portion of the film). Christina Ricci was fly as hell, too, if she’d stop taping her boobs down for two seconds to realize how gorgeous she is. I wonder if I will still remain friends with those I currently associate with. There are a couple I’m sure of, but a few that will probably fall by the wayside. It’s just the way it is.  Many of you may think back to this time with resentment; growing up can be an awkward period of life for some, most even. Not for me. It shaped who I am. I am thankful I had a Mom who wasn’t cautious of taking her son and his friends to see NOW AND THEN, especially when she realized the girls from our class sitting in front of us. According to my Mom, we were earning major brownie points with the girls for being there. I am thankful my Mom took me shopping with her, always asking me opinions on what to buy/wear/disregard. I’ve said this before: I didn’t become a “fashion monster” over night. I think I understand the female brain. You have to LISTEN to hear it. Seriously, dudes. LISTEN. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say before she can finish her sentence. Pay ATTENTION. It’s the least you can do for this God-like Athena type creature who loves nothing more than making you jizz with only the use of her mouth! DOUBLE EWW! But Double TRUE. The relationship between Mother and Son is extremely hard to express verbally, even in the written word. I wanted to take this piece one way, but the thought of Mommy took it down another course. When I look around at a world of Dina Lohans and Balloon Boy parents and I realize just how incredibly lucky I am. Can you imagine if my Mom wasn’t as cool? I mean, we’re talking about the same lady who also took all of my friends to see THE MIGHTY DUCKS and THE SANDLOT. As much important as it is to know what it means to be a boy, it’s also important to know what it means to be a MAN, and that’s why NOW AND THEN is important.  School’s in session.  PS: How cute is the chunky one who loves Twinkies?

NOW AND THEN: * GAME CHANGER * 

My mother took my brother, Jonno, my two besties, Jon and Preston, and I to see NOW AND THEN at the Mann Theaters so many moons ago. The year was 1995. Love was in the air. As luck would have it, we ended up sitting behind a group of girls from our fifth grade class — Laura Pearson, Taylor Wolf, Sara S., and Julia something-or-other. It was around the time girls were wearing stuffed-animal bears as backpacks; it was a simpler time. Nobody had a Facepage; Twitter meant nothing; and Cadillacs cost ten cents.

Every boy needs to see this movie during his formative years. It’s a game changer. Even at the tender age of 11 and 12, I saw what made women tick while watching NOW AND THEN. I saw what drove them nuts. I saw how to win their hearts and minds. I also saw Devon Sawa’s ass. WIN! There are experiences you can only have when you are an impressionable tweenager. You know, the movie takes place in the late 1960’s, and well, the story arcs and themes still hold up in 2010: loyalty, friendship, maturity, puberty, etc. It’s all relevant. Sometimes there’s nothing better than sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with your friends, even if they do all have pre-pubescent snatches. EWWWW!!!!! Yep, I said it. You thought it, I said it and now you read it. 

The simple thought of watching this movie brings a giant, gay smile to my face - ear to ear. I always wanted to schtup the girl played by Demi Moore (in the NOW portion of the film). Christina Ricci was fly as hell, too, if she’d stop taping her boobs down for two seconds to realize how gorgeous she is. I wonder if I will still remain friends with those I currently associate with. There are a couple I’m sure of, but a few that will probably fall by the wayside. It’s just the way it is. 

Many of you may think back to this time with resentment; growing up can be an awkward period of life for some, most even. Not for me. It shaped who I am. I am thankful I had a Mom who wasn’t cautious of taking her son and his friends to see NOW AND THEN, especially when she realized the girls from our class sitting in front of us. According to my Mom, we were earning major brownie points with the girls for being there. I am thankful my Mom took me shopping with her, always asking me opinions on what to buy/wear/disregard. I’ve said this before: I didn’t become a “fashion monster” over night. I think I understand the female brain. You have to LISTEN to hear it. Seriously, dudes. LISTEN. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say before she can finish her sentence. Pay ATTENTION. It’s the least you can do for this God-like Athena type creature who loves nothing more than making you jizz with only the use of her mouth! DOUBLE EWW! But Double TRUE.

The relationship between Mother and Son is extremely hard to express verbally, even in the written word. I wanted to take this piece one way, but the thought of Mommy took it down another course. When I look around at a world of Dina Lohans and Balloon Boy parents and I realize just how incredibly lucky I am. Can you imagine if my Mom wasn’t as cool? I mean, we’re talking about the same lady who also took all of my friends to see THE MIGHTY DUCKS and THE SANDLOT. As much important as it is to know what it means to be a boy, it’s also important to know what it means to be a MAN, and that’s why NOW AND THEN is important. 

School’s in session. 

PS: How cute is the chunky one who loves Twinkies?


July 13
now and then words
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