We here at BlackBerry Jew Squeeze get a lot of questions, via email and in person. Just last week some babe at Nic’s Martini Lounge ran up to me, with her boyfriend in tow and said, “DUDE! ARE YOU SINGLE?! OMG I love your blog. You are a genius!!”

Duh.

Naturally, we get people askin’ all sorts of shit:

“Are you guys single?”

“Did MjH really schtup a babe at DIVE! the restaurant?”

“Does Molly wax?”

“What’s your favorite scent of Jo Malone?”

“Do you prefer Votivo candles or Lysol for post-dump at a girl’s house?”

“What do you look for in a partner, and what exactly does the ‘wife search’ entail”? 

THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR: WHEN YOUR LOVE CAN LOOK THIS FLY WITH THIS SHIRT ON AND A TOOFBRUSH. 

Molly is the white fuckin’ Rihanna. Been sayin’ it for jeers.