My Dream Girl

wears an oversized sweatshirt with one side of the collar off the shoulder, flip flops, and tiny undies. 

She reads (books, not just Cosmo).

She plays Mario on Ghetto Nintendo (8 bit Mario bros).

She pronounces MARIO like MAR - E - O not MARE-E-O

She listens to No Doubt and The Doors and 2Pac and Leonard Cohen, but also appreciates The Flying Burrito Brothers

She fucks like I drive, fast, crazy, but always in control.

She wears converse but doesn’t always put them on completely. She likes to scoot in them when she gets the mail.

She uses a Mac.

She calls me endearing names that aren’t lame, such as “Bond” or “Lagerfeld.”

She eats McNuggets (when applicable)

She uses proper punctuation when writing thank-you notes.

She knows how to swim and likes to play Marco Polo.

She knows how to roll spliffs, and she rolls them for me.

She knows the importance of a proper mani/pedi.

She thinks Ned Hepburn is funny.

She is on Team Coco.

She eats sushi, steak, lobster, fried foods, and chocolate.

She loves my family and they love her.

4 Wallz and Adobe Photoshop for Mah Girlz.