To start this little blog‐ette off on a non‐self... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess/sport-fucking buddy. His father, a St. Louis cowboy at heart, reined him in as a child, only having to wash out his mouth with soap once during his early years.

Single, forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man finds himself thoroughly concerned with finding a wife, but more importantly, a bitch to lay with in the meantime.

Oh, and he wants me to tell you he he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City back in '01.

Copyright 2009-2010 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

To start this little blog‐ette off on a non‐self absorbed note, I decided to conduct a little poll amongst all the fantastic ladies in my life so I could get a little perspective on whether or not I know anything about my own sex. All of the women interviewed are babes, trust me (or Matt), all of them are college educated, and the majority of them are not that slutty! (Slutty enough to be fun, but reserved enough to make everything about them mysterious except their last std test results‐ siempre negatory!) What did I discover? Exactly what I already knew from experience (and hopefully what a lot of you boys know already too!): Dudes, you ALL have a shot! With all of us! Basically you have to have 3 things going on initially to wiggle your way into our considerations, and just a teensy bit extra to wiggle your way into our innards. First question: What are three things you look for in a dude? Top 3 contenders by FAR (in order) 1. Sense of humor (included in this: good laugh, thinks I’m funny too, isn’t easily offended) 2. Confidence (the combo of humor+confidence is unbelievably powerful. A veritable roofie to our sensibilities, it will basically make us weak for even the most Shrek‐like contenders) 3. Good shoes (as one classy dame put it: “No FUCKING tevas.” Runners up came in two categories: skanky and sweet. Skanky: ‐great head ‐large peen ‐gets rough without asking. (Mee‐yow. That’s a good one.) Sweet: ‐glasses ‐passionate ‐nice smile ‐remembers things we talked about and brings them up in later conversations See?! We’re not that tough to understand!! We’re not asking you to be some unbelievably romantic sex god! I mean, number THREE was good SHOES?! How hard is that? Get yourself to Sportie L.A., kiddo!! We just want you to make us laugh, like yourself enough to convince us that we should probably like you too, and go down on us. If that’s too much to ask, then good luck homeboy… I also asked the girls to describe their ‘dealbreakers,’ how dudes who weren’t initially their type eventually swooned them, what they think guys are incapable of understanding, what they’re incapable of understanding about guyzzz…and other various girly girly vagchat topics…can you hardly wait for the next installment?? Is this shit not fascinating?! I’m sure you savvy dudes already know whats up, but still!! Remember in junior high when someone asked “If you could be a chick for 24 hours, what would you do? And you said girltalk at a drunken slumber party for an hour and then masturbate for the next 23?!” Well, I’m giving away all our damn secrets! I’m gonna let you be that fly on the wall in our girltalk, I’m gonna let you vicariously chick‐sturbate!!! This is epic! The male‐female gap is closing as we speak!!! We’re all gonna understand eachother perfectly and everyones gonna have the most unbelievable orgasms and there will be no more fighting or teen pregnancies or earthquakes or anything!!! BlackberryJewSqueeze saves the world! — Molly

To start this little blog‐ette off on a non‐self absorbed note, I decided to conduct a little poll amongst all the fantastic ladies in my life so I could get a little perspective on whether or not I know anything about my own sex. All of the women interviewed are babes, trust me (or Matt), all of them are college educated, and the majority of them are not that slutty! (Slutty enough to be fun, but reserved enough to make everything about them mysterious except their last std test results‐ siempre negatory!)

What did I discover? Exactly what I already knew from experience (and hopefully what a lot of you boys know already too!): Dudes, you ALL have a shot! With all of us! Basically you have to have 3 things going on initially to wiggle your way into our considerations, and just a teensy bit extra to wiggle your way into our innards. First question: What are three things you look for in a dude?

Top 3 contenders by FAR (in order)

1. Sense of humor (included in this: good laugh, thinks I’m funny too, isn’t easily offended)

2. Confidence (the combo of humor+confidence is unbelievably powerful. A veritable roofie to our sensibilities, it will basically make us weak for even the most Shrek‐like contenders)

3. Good shoes (as one classy dame put it: “No FUCKING tevas.”

Runners up came in two categories: skanky and sweet.

Skanky:

‐great head

‐large peen

‐gets rough without asking. (Mee‐yow. That’s a good one.)

Sweet:

‐glasses

‐passionate

‐nice smile

‐remembers things we talked about and brings them up in later conversations

See?! We’re not that tough to understand!! We’re not asking you to be some unbelievably romantic sex god! I mean, number THREE was good SHOES?! How hard is that? Get yourself to Sportie L.A., kiddo!! We just want you to make us laugh, like yourself enough to convince us that we should probably like you too, and go down on us. If that’s too much to ask, then good luck homeboy…

I also asked the girls to describe their ‘dealbreakers,’ how dudes who weren’t initially their type eventually swooned them, what they think guys are incapable of understanding, what they’re incapable of understanding about guyzzz…and other various girly girly vagchat topics…can you hardly wait for the next installment??

Is this shit not fascinating?! I’m sure you savvy dudes already know whats up, but still!! Remember in junior high when someone asked “If you could be a chick for 24 hours, what would you do? And you said girltalk at a drunken slumber party for an hour and then masturbate for the next 23?!” Well, I’m giving away all our damn secrets! I’m gonna let you be that fly on the wall in our girltalk, I’m gonna let you vicariously chick‐sturbate!!! This is epic! The male‐female gap is closing as we speak!!! We’re all gonna understand eachother perfectly and everyones gonna have the most unbelievable orgasms and there will be no more fighting or teen pregnancies or earthquakes or anything!!!

BlackberryJewSqueeze saves the world!

— Molly


March 10
molly
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