You Gaiyz wanna hear a fun story? OK. Glad you do.... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess/sport-fucking buddy. His father, a St. Louis cowboy at heart, reined him in as a child, only having to wash out his mouth with soap once during his early years.

Single, forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man finds himself thoroughly concerned with finding a wife, but more importantly, a bitch to lay with in the meantime.

Oh, and he wants me to tell you he he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City back in '01.

Copyright 2009-2010 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

You Gaiyz wanna hear a fun story? OK. Glad you do. Cuz I’m a chatty Cathy today. Real Talk: After binging on tacos, sushi, squief and Miami Vices in Cabo, I decided I need to get back to the gym. This past weekend I ran on the Treadmill at my parents’ house, did some weight lifting while l listened to an old trance mix I made my Dad (which was hilarious…it had CASSIUS and a lot of tunes from the TRAINSPOTTING soundtrack on it). I looked fucking loony tunes. ANYGAY. The next day, a Sunday, after a big, hearty brunch at the Sagebrush Cantina, I decided to go for a bike-ride with my brother, Jonno. I was wearing a helmet (my parents made me…UGH…I looked like Bucky Lasek on a Mom bike). We biked around Encino and Lake Balboa. ‘Twas a lot of fun. Near the end of the ride, I’m huffin’ and puffin’ like the Big Bad Wolf and all of a sudden one of my schtup dames (I’ve blogged about her before) is walking by in HARD TAIL ass eater lycra workout pants, a denim jacket, and some other item of clothing that made me want to fuck her, right there on Ventura Blvd while my brother watched (wearing his own gay Giro helmet)! Shit, if I had my FlipCam on me I would’ve made him film it for YouJizz.com! We’re chatting it up and I’m gettin’ wood so I start peddling away. Then I call my Dog Dog who was with her for a hot minute and he informs me, “Yeah DUDE! She’s datin’ some Persian dude!” (Which is totally cool…but If I’m a Jew…he’s a Persh…let bygones be bygones). ANYWAY, HOW DID I LOSE OUT TO SAYID FROM LOST? I know he’s probably loaded, has a Lexus, a Range Rover, a Mercedes and probably still wears a SKYTEL pager (I could only think of a few stereotypes, sorry), but seriously?! The Schtup Master should’ve had a shot before Sanjaya Gupta. (Writer’s Note: Rachel…I’m totally kidding. I hope you two are happy together. Totally jealous you two talk dirty in Farsi). Also, Hot Perisan Dude Boyfriend…this blog is a joke…as is my sex life…do me a favor and spare me the circle of your Cousins and Brothers trying to kill me outside Crown Bar. It’s bad enough you’re 30X seksier than I’ll ever be.

You Gaiyz wanna hear a fun story? OK. Glad you do. Cuz I’m a chatty Cathy today.

Real Talk: After binging on tacos, sushi, squief and Miami Vices in Cabo, I decided I need to get back to the gym. This past weekend I ran on the Treadmill at my parents’ house, did some weight lifting while l listened to an old trance mix I made my Dad (which was hilarious…it had CASSIUS and a lot of tunes from the TRAINSPOTTING soundtrack on it). I looked fucking loony tunes.

ANYGAY. The next day, a Sunday, after a big, hearty brunch at the Sagebrush Cantina, I decided to go for a bike-ride with my brother, Jonno. I was wearing a helmet (my parents made me…UGH…I looked like Bucky Lasek on a Mom bike). We biked around Encino and Lake Balboa. ‘Twas a lot of fun. Near the end of the ride, I’m huffin’ and puffin’ like the Big Bad Wolf and all of a sudden one of my schtup dames (I’ve blogged about her before) is walking by in HARD TAIL ass eater lycra workout pants, a denim jacket, and some other item of clothing that made me want to fuck her, right there on Ventura Blvd while my brother watched (wearing his own gay Giro helmet)! Shit, if I had my FlipCam on me I would’ve made him film it for YouJizz.com!

We’re chatting it up and I’m gettin’ wood so I start peddling away. Then I call my Dog Dog who was with her for a hot minute and he informs me, “Yeah DUDE! She’s datin’ some Persian dude!” (Which is totally cool…but If I’m a Jew…he’s a Persh…let bygones be bygones).

ANYWAY, HOW DID I LOSE OUT TO SAYID FROM LOST? I know he’s probably loaded, has a Lexus, a Range Rover, a Mercedes and probably still wears a SKYTEL pager (I could only think of a few stereotypes, sorry), but seriously?! The Schtup Master should’ve had a shot before Sanjaya Gupta.

(Writer’s Note: Rachel…I’m totally kidding. I hope you two are happy together. Totally jealous you two talk dirty in Farsi). Also, Hot Perisan Dude Boyfriend…this blog is a joke…as is my sex life…do me a favor and spare me the circle of your Cousins and Brothers trying to kill me outside Crown Bar. It’s bad enough you’re 30X seksier than I’ll ever be.


March 1
want to schtup
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