suicideblonde: Kristin Stewart Kristen, my... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

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suicideblonde: Kristin Stewart Kristen, my little dumpling. How do you manage to look so effortlessly cute on a DAILY basis? Huh? Look, I know you are awkward and a pretty terrible public speaker, but dress you can, my lovely. Normally, I would never say this about you, but you have some pretty sexy side-boob action going on there and you’re only a B cup at best…which is fine, because like I said, I’m not a boobs man.  I’m a tush/legs man for daze. God, it’s like you knew me when I was a 7th grader, wearing those exact VANS shoes and listening to MxPx.  I know you’re only 19, and that I’m nearly 25, but I guarantee you someday when this Twilight thing passes you will just be my wife and happy I will be. I hope you have a nice warm jacket for the wrap-up at Sundance. I love you.

suicideblonde:

Kristin Stewart

Kristen, my little dumpling. How do you manage to look so effortlessly cute on a DAILY basis? Huh? Look, I know you are awkward and a pretty terrible public speaker, but dress you can, my lovely.

Normally, I would never say this about you, but you have some pretty sexy side-boob action going on there and you’re only a B cup at best…which is fine, because like I said, I’m not a boobs man.  I’m a tush/legs man for daze.

God, it’s like you knew me when I was a 7th grader, wearing those exact VANS shoes and listening to MxPx.  I know you’re only 19, and that I’m nearly 25, but I guarantee you someday when this Twilight thing passes you will just be my wife and happy I will be.

I hope you have a nice warm jacket for the wrap-up at Sundance.

I love you.


January 27
Kristen Stewart Twilight
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