“Harumph! I’m ready to get mah day started!” ... -

Questions? Concerns? Advertisers? Email JewSqueeze{at}gmail.com

Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

Copyright 2009-2011 BlackBerry Jew Squeeze

“Harumph! I’m ready to get mah day started!” Things I need to do today: 1) Reminder: Call Joan Jett and tell her that I need to comp the vox on ‘Cherry Bomb’ for THE RUNAWAYS. It sounded weird to me at the studio. 2) Subway. Five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Footlong. The tuna there is phenomenal. 3) Call my agent at Gersh. Where the fuck is my check from NEW MOON? I got half up front and half after the press tour. 4) Mani/Pedi - black/black (I’ll settle for Vamp, duh hickey) 5) New Vampire Weekend album CONTRA is out today. Must swing by Sam Goody/FYE/Tower Recrods. 6) Run my Mini Cooper over my new Converse so they look worn in. 7) Remind Rob to wash under his scrotum. I don’t mind sucking his dick, but I do mind cheesedick/crotch rot. 8) Text Dakoty. I hope she’s settling in to Campbell Hall High School with ease. 9) GTL: Gym. Tan. Laundry. 10) Ugh, Taylor Lautner wanted me to go with him to Lady GaGa tonight. When is he gonna just come out already? 11) Buy a pumice scrub.

“Harumph! I’m ready to get mah day started!”

Things I need to do today:

1) Reminder: Call Joan Jett and tell her that I need to comp the vox on ‘Cherry Bomb’ for THE RUNAWAYS. It sounded weird to me at the studio.

2) Subway. Five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Footlong. The tuna there is phenomenal.

3) Call my agent at Gersh. Where the fuck is my check from NEW MOON? I got half up front and half after the press tour.

4) Mani/Pedi - black/black (I’ll settle for Vamp, duh hickey)

5) New Vampire Weekend album CONTRA is out today. Must swing by Sam Goody/FYE/Tower Recrods.

6) Run my Mini Cooper over my new Converse so they look worn in.

7) Remind Rob to wash under his scrotum. I don’t mind sucking his dick, but I do mind cheesedick/crotch rot.

8) Text Dakoty. I hope she’s settling in to Campbell Hall High School with ease.

9) GTL: Gym. Tan. Laundry.

10) Ugh, Taylor Lautner wanted me to go with him to Lady GaGa tonight. When is he gonna just come out already?

11) Buy a pumice scrub.


January 12
kristen stewart twilight
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