I saw one of my Ex-Schtups this weekend…

And by golly, was homegirl wearing WAY TOO MUCH fake tan.  She looked like Kramer on Seinfeld when he burnt himself in the tanning-bed.

She looked how Frida Pinto from SLUMDOG would look if I hung out with her while on Peyote.

She looked like the human incarnation of orange juice - Tropicana

She looked like Mars

She looked like a giant talking Powerpoint logo

I thought Burnt Sienna was just a color

Damn bitch, up your game.

Don’t think we ever would’ve schtupped if I knew you during your Beaker from Sesame Street phase.

There ain’t nothing mystic about your tan, bitch.