Am I Really That Controversial?

Post Count on Blackberryjewsqueeze: 435 Posts (about)

Number of Girls I’ve posted about - Damn near 400.

Number of Girls I’ve actually schtupped - mmm I’m gonna go with like 16/17. 92 if you count the number of times I’ve jerked off to Kristen Stewart.

Number of Girls I’ve ACTUALLY offended: 1.

A note to that girl: honey, lovey, take a look around. We live in an era of YouTubes, FlipCams, Status Updates, iMovies and Twitters. It’s a race to the finish fueled by wit. And you can be damn sure I’m not coming in second. Do you really not think that all of this comes from a place from love?  Do you not understand that the only reason I get out of bed is because I’m a nostalgic DORKUS with a penchant for my past, with a clear eye on the future? — all of it, the reason we, as men, more specifically I, do anything, is for women (unless you happen to be gay — than I’m shit out of luck in regards to an answer).  I do all of this shit to make them/you laugh.  Because as the smart men know, as Marilyn Monroe once said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.”  And if you’re not laughing, you don’t get it and I don’t want you anyway. 

In the every-day hunt for my wife, which is a serious endeavor, I have combined each and every special moment with all of the aforementioned women and created this sort of ideal woman that I know really does not exist. It’s like that Led Zeppelin song: I’m trying to find a woman that’s never ever been born. (Song is “Going To California”) 

But in the meantime, let’s have some fucking fun!