Four Eyes, You broke my heart.  Ok, so we were in... -

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Ask me shit! About the author(s): MjH grew up in the suburbs of Encino, CA, born into a family of hilarious Jews. His mother, a witty New Yorker with a sharp tongue, set the bar pretty high in terms of what he looks for in a wife/Jewess.

Forever wearing glasses and on the hunt for Jewish cunt, our man wants you to know that he once schtupped a dame at DIVE! in Century City.

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Four Eyes, You broke my heart.  Ok, so we were in college. So what? Did I not provide you with the funniest, intellectually stimulating post-lecture cigarette breaks of a lifetime?  I think so.  Remember when I took you out for Valentine’s Day sophomore year and we had an incredible dinner and we made out in my bed?  Sade was playing. Right around “Cherish The Day” it got weird.   I spent the next two years of college questioning my self worth as a master of the vaginal Torah because of you!  You almost completely usurped my mojo.  You had everything I wanted in a woman: brains, bod, bomb laughter, and the spirit of an 11 year old girl.  You also wore the funkiest frames. And you’re a Jew from New York to top it off!   For the longest time all I could think about was schtupping you in my Twin XL.   Can’t believe you ditched me for a rich Persian dude.   Will always regret never connecting for a schtup in the Biblical sense.   Did I come off as desperate?   Was I cheesy?   Did I stumble to some bad lighting? Wonder how (read: who) you’re doing and how the fuckin’ is.

Four Eyes,

You broke my heart.  Ok, so we were in college. So what? Did I not provide you with the funniest, intellectually stimulating post-lecture cigarette breaks of a lifetime?  I think so.  Remember when I took you out for Valentine’s Day sophomore year and we had an incredible dinner and we made out in my bed?  Sade was playing. Right around “Cherish The Day” it got weird.  

I spent the next two years of college questioning my self worth as a master of the vaginal Torah because of you!  You almost completely usurped my mojo.  You had everything I wanted in a woman: brains, bod, bomb laughter, and the spirit of an 11 year old girl.  You also wore the funkiest frames. And you’re a Jew from New York to top it off!  

For the longest time all I could think about was schtupping you in my Twin XL.  

Can’t believe you ditched me for a rich Persian dude.  

Will always regret never connecting for a schtup in the Biblical sense.  

Did I come off as desperate?  

Was I cheesy?  

Did I stumble to some bad lighting?

Wonder how (read: who) you’re doing and how the fuckin’ is.


July 31
want to schtup
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