Take a load off Annie

Take a load for free

Take a load off Annie….

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND.

Put the load right on me.

INCEPTION - a Review within a Review within a Review. 

Saw this mindfuck of a movie last night. I really enjoyed it, although I felt it was like The Matrix meets Vanilla Sky meets ID-4. So many weird thoughts, but it will be best if I talk this out in bullet-point form:

1. So you guys really like French music. Got it. Loud and clear. Why didn’t you use “Bulletproof” by La Roux to signal the Kick? Furthermore, was that a Zune? No sign of an iPod anywhere, yet you have toys that let you create dreams….something even Apple couldn’t come up with. Interesting.

2. Why the hell is everyone dressed like a Barney’s winter collection catalogue? Seriously, the wardrobe in this film was more expensive than the entire budget of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Joseph GL and Leo made Clooney and Pitt from Ocean’s 11 look like peasants storming the Bastille.

3. Ellen Paige? Seriously. That’s the best you could come up with. I get that she looks like a placenta soaked fetus that hit puberty too early, but come on. You could’ve gotten so many other actresses for this role. How about Emma Stone? How about Ashley Greene? Could’ve gone with some more inspired casting. It’s like Nolan, bro, you have such epic ass movies…then you cast them with the most boring females ever (Maggie Gyn, Katie Holmes in the BATMAN franchise) and now Juno in INCEPTION? Give a babe a break.

4. Tom Hardy is now my unborn child’s Godfather. That guy is on my team next time I go cock-fighting, or knife-fighting. 

5. Leo, cool totem. But Joseph — a dice? Are you in Friday or Inception? Furthermore, Ellen Paige, a fucking PAWN. I get that you’re like the pawn in all of this, but you might as well have used the thimble from MONOPOLY. Your shit is about as original as a P. Diddy remix.

6. Cillian Murphy — can you look any more like a reptile? Seriously, bro, you’re scaring the Latino movie-goers. You know they hate lizards. 

7. Marion Cotillard - you are perfect. Except that your tears were a little too big for your eyes. Were those Clear Eyes or Visine? Want to know so that next time I’m pulled-over for squiefing en route to a job interview I can feign crying. 

8. That guy that was supposed to be Cillian Murphy’s Dad’s biz partner — he looked like the fat chairman of THE SKULLS had he been crop-dusted with Mystic Tan.

Final note: Mr. Nolan, in all seriousness, thank you. This movie was a giant breath of fresh I donno what after seeing only 3D garbage, blockbuster bullshit, and the usual summer fare. I look forward to anything you put your name on, especially if she’s Batman related.

Sweet dreams, you Kings of England. You Princes of Maine. 

Dear Blackberry Diary:

Drizzy back up in this, bitch, what’s hattenin’? Man, today was wild. First off, I met Young Jeezy for an omelet. He ordered the Denver. I was all, “Jeezy, how you gone get an omelet without puttin turk up in that bitch?” Jeezy was like “Whateva mayne,” mockin’ my verses n shit. Jokes on he dough, cuz he done spilled ketchup all over his bling, and even got some on his Lugz. After breakfast I hit up some of my Degrassi homies, and we wuz wylin’ out like we used to, you know, getting all different kinds of McFlurrys and then NOT paying at the Drive-Thru. Man. 

Around noon or so I hit-up Swizz Beats. Told that n**** to make me some beats that twinkle like a menorah, nigga. Hannukah is just round da bend and Young Money need to keep makin Young Money. Sprite ain’t gone buy me a yacht like Jay-Z has. So. He played me some beats. They wuz ok. Whatever, Mayne. It was fun to be back in the studio. I made a hot track. Ya’all can thank me later.

I got hungry around 3PM so I asked Nicki Minaj if she was hungry. Girl eats and looks like a monster truck with an ass, so I took that bitch to her favorite restaurant: Denny’s. Bitch had a grand slam. Forreal. She nearly ate the mo-fuckin’ plate, ya dig! We went shoe shoppin aftah. Got me some Spizikes. She got some really ugly ass shitz for her even uglier ass feetz. She took one look at the price tag and said, “I mean, I mean, really, who even looks at the price tag?” She’s funny.

I told Turtle from Entourage I’d meet him for drinks so we done hit Chateau Vermont. All deez celebs were derre like Mark Whalberg, that Ari Piven guy. Come to think of it, it mighta been an Entourage wrap party or sumthin. That was me feelin it. That felt good. We drank Moet. Den we ran out a Moet so we drank Blueberry Gatorade. With Ciroc. I partied all night. Shit was hectic. I met some girlz. No fireworks, dough. I’m still into my wedding planner girlfriend. I gotta few bbms from Kendra. She wants on my machiatto wang, but I ain’t gone give it to her. That was me clearing it. Donno how she got on mah bbm. *REMINDER* fire your assistant. Oh. wait. He has your laptops. Don’t fire assistant just yet. 

Anyway, Diary, it’s been a long ass day for a grown ass man. Shout out to the fact that I’m the youngest N**** doin’ it. Uh uh. Uh oh. Drizzzy. Twinkle Twinkle, n*****.

See —- Molly is so fuegs.

veritasempire:

DJ Jonny Haus//Molly Grassini

1. word on the street is, dudes like a girl most when she’s in in a t shirt and jeans, sans makeup. save your money at barneys, galz. 

2. is it me watching too much mad men, or is the “little boy” body type on a woman becoming less and less desirable, and finally guys are more inclined to want to ride the feminine curvetown express?

3. did my first two points contradict themselves? did i say both ‘be womanly’ and ‘be boyish?’ does anyone give a shit? didn’t think so! 

Wif3. 

Blankies.

Brunette.

BOOM.

Lily, you so illy.

M I C

K E Y

M

O

U

S

E

suicideblonde:

Conception

Blair - 

Great meeting you yesterday. Nice stems. Now get out of my office.